Archive for Politics - page 6

Breaking: CA Mulls Legislation Mandating Birkenstock Footwear for All

Breaking: CA Mulls Legislation Mandating Birkenstock Footwear for All

Unidentified sources reveal that there are behind the scenes discussions at the State Capitol to introduce legislation that would require all legal residents of California to wear Birkenstock Sandals.  No attempt to verify the report was neccessary, since the legislature’s record on such matters combined with the sheer stupidity of the proposal makes it a statistical impossibilty that the report is not true.

Members of the Democratic caucuses in both chambers are reportedly “giddy” at the prospect of moving California a quantum leap forward toward the zen state of “Liberal Utopia”.  “This legislation checks all the boxes”,  one politico gushed.  It adresses footwear inequality, global warming and landfill overcrowding, among other things.  Perhaps most importantly, it reduces the undue influence the Global Footwear Conglomerates have over the California economy.  It was previously believed that the best way to reduce the economic clout of these and other big corporations was to simply destroy the California economy altogether, then those evil corporations would “just go away and leave us alone”.  Those efforts continue apace.

But total destruction of the economy would only go so far – other measures were needed.  A staffer who requested anonymity stated “One of the hurdles we’ve always had to cross was how to get all Californians to think like burnt-out Haight-Ashbury refugees.  Then one day the light went on:  If we can get people to dress like burnt-out Haight-Ashbury refugees, they will start to think like them.  It is hoped that a side benefit of the legislation would be to drive any remaining rational people out of the state once and for all.  Everyone knows that there is no place in the California political debate for fact-based rational analysis, and it’s time for these people to just go away and stop harshing on us all the time.  Of course we would require them to continue to pay California taxes.  You know what they say:  You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.  Ha Ha.”

A comment was sought from the State Republican Party, but it was flat on it’s back, not breathing and with no discernable pulse.

Word has it that final touches are being put on the bill at this moment as legislators work out their color preferences and whether any synthetic materials should be permitted, or whether to add a $100.00 “Bullet Train” surcharge on the production of what some are already calling “the State Sandal”.  Also being considered is a rider to the bill to make Marijuana use mandatory in order for the government’s actions to be percieved as “sane” by the general public, though there is debate as to whether a stronger drug would be needed to produce that effect.

No real people other than myself contributed to this report.

Cross posted at Men Out of Work Blog

 

1st Quarter 2014 GDP Estimate revised down AGAIN!

1st Quarter 2014 GDP Estimate revised down AGAIN!

Today we learn that the 1st quarter 2014 GDP estimate is revised down again!.  The US Gross Domestic Product (GDP), often referred to generically as “the economy” contracted for the 1st quarter of 2014.  Originally estimated at a merely anemic .01% it was revised downward for a second time, this time to a disastrous -2.9%.  That’s minus 2.9%.  Oh…did I say disastrous?  I meant awesome!

It’s ok, because now the economy is even more poised to rebound!  So much more rebound potential!  I mean, we thought is was poised before.  Turns out that was nothing.  It is now poised like a…like a…giant poised thing.  Because…something something.  Trust me.  We are in great shape.

Hang on.  I hear some kind of alarm…

bovine excrement meter

 

Old and Busted: Candidate might have been a jerk in High School – Special Edition! New Hotness: Candidate helped child rapist beat the rap – Crickets!

Old and Busted: Candidate might have been a jerk in High School – Special Edition!  New Hotness:  Candidate helped child rapist beat the rap – Crickets!

It wasn’t that long ago we were treated to a media firestorm over possible gaffes Mitt Romney may have comitted 30 or 40 years ago.  There was in depth reporting over his behavior in Prep-School (that’s High School in case you’re wondering):  He might have been a bully!  Or that infamous family vacation where the dog’s crate was strapped to the roof of the car. Q’uelle Horreur!  Our diligent media was just doing their jobs, dont you know.  The public has a right to know what kind of person they might elect to the presidency.  Thank God we dodged that bullet and didn’t elect Romney with his binders full of women.  This Obama fellow is doing a smashing job.

Now we are finding out that Hillary Clinton once defended an accused child rapist, and through some borderline ethical conduct helped secure a plea bargain to a lesser offense resulting in the accused rapist receiving less than 1 year in jail.  Part of the borderline conduct involved proposed testimony attacking the girl’s credibility and claiming that the twelve year old victim bore some of the reponsibility for her own rape, and telling the prosecutor that they had an “expert” that would testify in court to discredit their forensic evidence.  This helped secure the plea bargain.  Then, a few years later when recounting the episode for a reporter, she laughed about her client’s obvious guilt and what a great job she did helping him beat the rap.  However, I am told, she did not put the victim “in a binder”.  The media’s interest in this story?  Zip, zero, zilch.  Why?  It’s old news.  Well so is the fact that you can save 15% on your car insurance, but that doesn’t stop Geico from running their commercials.

The rape trial was in 1975, and the incident recounted to a reporter in the mid-1980’s for an Esquire magazine article on rising politcal stars.  The reason you can’t remember it, other than the fact you might not have been born yet, is that the article was never printed.  The incident has received scant mention considering Clinton’s life and career have been so meticulously documented.  Hillary herself mentions it briefly in her first memoir Living History as an aside to to crediting herself with starting Arkansas’ first rape crisis hotline.  In 2008, Newsday journalist Glenn Thrush wrote a lengthy article about it – which his editors killed because “it might have an impact” on the election.  The tapes of the interviews and reporters notes from the original Esquire story ended up in the University of Arkansas Library archives where they were discovered by the Washington Free Beacon., and tht is how we are hearing about it now.

So if a Republican candidate may have been guilty of boorish behavior in the past, the media will leave no stone unturned in their quest to Bring Out The Truth®.  Because War On Women!  But if a Democrat candidate may have actually engaged in a war on women, well…*crickets*

Democrats – that (D) behind their names is like a damn kevlar shield with a teflon coating.  And it’s the mainstream media’s Kryptonite.

Current Problem: Women’s Fight For The Right To Go Topless

Current Problem: Women’s Fight For The Right To Go Topless

Via Yahoo News we learn of the current problem – Women’s fight for the right to go topless:

Warning: Pixilated Boobies

OK, Whatever.  Let them exercise their right.  Next problem: Men keep staring at our chest!

 

CA State Senate Considers Weighty Issue

CA State Senate Considers Weighty Issue

The CA State Senate considers a weighty issue:  The issue of tiny little fragile baby children lugging monstrously heavy textbooks to and from school in back packs loaded down with not only their books, but laptops, video games, soft drinks, bottled water, high fructose corn syrup, various genetically modified things, single-use plastic grocery bags and e-cigs.  A senate staffer who asked to remain anonymous stated that Senators are looking into this “because of the potential health risks posed to children by performing actual physical exercise”.

The issue has been gaining momentum since ten years ago when the State School Board adopted weight standards for textbooks.  It is common knowledge that textbooks have gotten heavier over the years;  Schoolkids of earlier generations, say from the dawn of time until the California Legislature achieved permanent Democratic Majorities suffered no ill effects form carrying their books – in the 1960’s for example it was common to see children walking to and from school balancing  ten or twelve textbooks stacked on top of their heads.  Backpacks were unheard of.  Textbooks of the day were lighter, most likely due to the high levels of extremely radioactive waste products used in their maufacture, a practice which was halted by Democratic administrations who cared more about the children than their own parents did.  But the trade off is that now books are heavy.  And the delicate flower children of today can’t be asked to do anything that may cause them to crack a sweat or harm their self esteem – and toting a heavy backpack makes a child feel weak.  A child who feels weak feels bad, and gone are the days when you could give em a twinkie and a pat on the butt to make them feel better, because it is illegal.  Yes, both of those things are illegal.

While the textbook weight standards are a logical first step, I suggest that in the ten years of their existence we have only seen the problem get worse in the perception of caring State Senators and the Chiroporactic lobbying groups that sponsor related legislation.  I am calling for bold action and an end to limp wristed half measures.  I am calling on the Senate to establish a commision to to compile a report on the feasability of establishing a study on creating a warning label for textbooks, backpacks and…hell, just put it on everything next to the Prop 65 warning:

textbook warningsign

Remember…it’s not stupid If It’s For The Children!

CA screws everyone with carbon tax – wastes the money on bullet train

CA screws everyone with carbon tax – wastes the money on bullet train

-CA screws everyone with carbon tax – wastes the money on bullet train

There is no crisis so grave that it cannot be solved with higher taxes.  Or, in this case carbon offset fees.  You see, global warming is so serious that we have come up with a scheme whereby industries that generate carbon emissions (industries that coincidentally drive our economy) will need to buy “offsets” to allow them to continue their carbon emissions.  It’s a win-win!  They get to pay to stay in business and the State gets a $1 billion payday!  And you get to pay higher prices for electricity, gasoline and probabaly damn near everything you buy.

I think the mafia used to have a program like that: “youse gets to pay us and then youse don’t get your legs broke.  Everybody wins.”  Then the government arrested, prosecuted and jailed the gangsters.  This is known as “eliminating the competition”.

The halls of the Capitol must be positively awash in the saliva of drooling legislators and lobbyists anticipating the new funding that awaits their pet projects.  There’s money a-waitin’ to be spent!  This week it was reported that as part of the budget agreement, California’s High Speed Rail would receive 25% of anticipated cap-and-trade revenue.  Anticipated cap and trade revenue.  We’re going to spend anticipated money on an imaginary train.  We could just replace the state goverment with a Sim City game.  Jerry Brown’s not gonna stand for this foolishness, right?  He’s fiscal hawk!  He wants a rainy day fund!  Oh wait…the crazy train is Jerry Brown’s pet.  He wanted 33% of the cap-and-trade “windfall” to go to the Fresno to Lodi express.  Oh, snap – no adult in the room on this one.

$250 Million probably won’t pay for the paper clips when this boondoggle gets underway.  This is like saying we need to spend $20 Billion to dig a giant hole to throw money in.  But the good news is we get to keep throwing money into it…forever!  And create hundreds of jobs!  Because – transportation!  Trains are the future!

 

 

 

 

Old and Busted: Nixon Tapes Missing 18 Minutes! Impeachment! New Hotness: IRS Loses 2 Years of Lerner-White House Emails! Whoopsie! Accidents Happen!

Old and Busted: Nixon Tapes Missing 18 Minutes!  Impeachment!  New Hotness: IRS Loses 2 Years of Lerner-White House Emails!  Whoopsie!  Accidents Happen!

Back in the 70’s when Richard Nixon (R) nearly caused the universe to end by awkwardly covering up some political dirty tricks in the Watergate scandal, there was an episode where it was found that some taped recordings of Oval Office conversations between Nixon and some of the Watergate players contained an 18 minute blank spot.  Anyone familiar with 1970s technology of tape recording could conceive of a legitimate error possibly causing the blank, but foul play was immediately assumed.   This conclusion was most likely correct, and Congress and the public cut Nixon no slack at all.  When threatened with impeachment, Nixon resigned.

Today we learn that as the Congressional inquiry into possible collusion between the White House and the IRS to intimidate, harrass and persecute (and prosecute, for that matter) Republican and Conservative opposition groups, the IRS claims to have lost 2 years worth of e-mails between Lois Lerner and any groups outside of the IRS, such as the White House and Democrat Members of Congress.  But, hey, no big deal.  Accidents happen!  I mean, what big companies and organizations ever take precautions against things like this?  Certainly not the IRS!  Besides – we can trust Barack Obama (D).  See the (D)?  OK then.

Nothing to see here…Move along

You don't argue with an Aardvark

You don’t argue with an Aardvark

Cry Havoc!

Cry Havoc!

…and let slip the dogs of war!

Belated D-Day Rememberance

Belated D-Day Rememberance

I did not forget (nor should you) the June 6th Anniversary of D-Day, the Allied invasion of Normandy  that was the beginning of the end of World War II.  This year marked the 70th Anniversary.  My heartfelt thanks go out to all who took part in any way, be they living or dead.  Thank You.

They probably don’t teach much about World War II in schools these days.  Young people would be wise to study this time period on their own, or you should help any young people you know to learn about it.  There are excellent resources available, many decent documentaries on cable tv every day.These were times of true existential crises, not the puffed up pretend dangers of today.  To learn about the past is to appreciate how good you have it today because people then had the strength to see things through to a positive conclusion.  Virtually everyone sacrificed in some way and millions of non-combatants died.  So: Remember!

 

cross posted at Men Out of Work Blog

 

More Tightly Reasoned Logic From CA Legislature – SB967

More Tightly Reasoned Logic From CA Legislature – SB967

Today we are learning that a bill in the California State Senate will require written or verbal consent between two students before engaging in sexual activity on campus.  I’ll pause so you can let that sink in for a minute….the state will require two individuals to obtain written or verbal consent before having sex on campus.  Nothing in there about body language.

SB 967 was introduced by Kevin DeLeon (D. Los Angeles) – wait – I thought it was the evil Republicans who wanted to legislate bedroom activity – in response to an alleged epidemic of sexual assaults on campuses nationwide.  This is another example of the ability of California Democrats to hone in on a problem like a laser with logic so tightly reasoned there is no reasonable argument that can be made against their postion.  It goes like this:  there is an undisputed rape epidemic on our college campuses.  Undisputed.  Wait – you dispute it?  You are pro-rape.  The existing laws on the books regarding sexual misconduct are not working – we need another law.  Problem solved.  Your Welcome.

The proposed law is a virtually impenetrable (no pun intended) force field against reckless or unlawful college student sexual activity.  The law only covers sex acts committed on campus.  DIABOLICAL!  No one will figure a way around that.  It requires written or verbal consent.  Aren’t most of these guys attorneys?  The first thing you learn in pre-pre law (which is watching Law & Order) is that a verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.  I’m surpised they don’t require a time stamp on that verbal agreement.  Well, at least it’s for the children.  It is for the children isn’t it?  It’s gotta be.  Yeah, it’s for the Children.  What’s the matter?  You don’t like children?  Pro-rape child hater.

 

 

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